April 2010
2 posts
I posted it.
But mom, he IS black!
Ok, I have this joke/birthday wish directed to @iamnotdiddy, but it’s a little too racist. Should I post it?
March 2010
8 posts
English question
Should I use “green really isn’t my color” when I’m trying to say that I don’t look good when I’m wearing green clothes or should I just say “I don’t look well in green”… or something like that?
“dicks dicks dicks dicks dicks”
– Ben Marvin.
February 2010
11 posts
I just saw the hot dog vendor near my office...
guillee:
…and then put it back with the rest.
Now, THIS is Venezuela.
A Far Cry From Normal: Farewell →
My father has passed on and is thankfully no longer suffering. After months of fighting his body has finally surrendered and let him go in peace. He didn’t pass along alone, he had a room full of people who loved him; in his lifetime he knew love and gave love. My heart is sad but also relieved,…
Sorry for your loss. Seems like he was a great man. They’ll love him in paradise like...
Twitter Comedian Avatar Parodies →
1 tag
A dozen EGGS.
A man enters a grocery store and says:
“Give me a loaf of bread, and if you have eggs, a dozen, please.”
And the man left the store with a dozen loafs of bread.
1 tag
Robin Hood
This was a good, but really poor man who was walking through the forest. Suddenly, a masked man jumped in his way and said:
“Stop right there, I’m Robin Hood, and I take from the rich and give to the poor.”
The poor man anwers:
“Really? Because I’m really, reeeeally poor.”
“Are you serious?,” Robin says, “Then take this.” And he starts giving the poor man dozens of gold and jewelry...
It's a coincidence that my birthday and the day I...
HA! I win this round!
stereoforbrains:
Remember the other day when I left a post about how I was basically going to give my OCD the middle finger and follow a bunch of people I’ve been meaning to en masse?
Remember how I totally failed at it a few minutes later and ninja erased the post?
I’ve been experimenting and I think I’ve found a brain loop hole. And I don’t just mean more lists either. I just added 4 of...
January 2010
12 posts
1 tag
God: Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth.
Angel: What are you going to do now?
God: I think I'll call it a day.
You know what -- needs? A subject.
Ask something. Not that! I'm 15 years old, you... →
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Johnny and Marissa, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes an abrupt, tragic miscarriage, then comes blame, then comes despair. Two hearts damaged beyond repair. Johnny leaves Marissa, and takes the tree, D-I-V-O-R-C-E. :(
With 49 Tumblarity
p0sdata:
troubleshout:
With 49 tumblarity, which is REEEALLY low comparing it to what you guys have, I’m the #2 Tumble log in Venezuela. I RUCKZ UR WHAAAT?!
U RUCKZ MI SOXS OFF :)
Oh, geez, put them on again. Your feet smell. Ugh. It smells like my ass, and my ass doesn’t smell really gooOH WAIT NEVER MIND IT _IS_ MY ASS.
With 49 Tumblarity
With 49 tumblarity, which is REEEALLY low comparing it to what you guys have, I’m the #2 Tumble log in Venezuela. I RUCKZ UR WHAAAT?!
I am no writer, but I love to read.
cleanmartini:
Twitter gets crazy. I try to DM as much as possible, or delete my own @replies so people don’t have to see my avatar in their stream 15 times in less than an hour.
I also try to read all the tweets in my stream, too. If I have unfollowed you there, please do not be offended. You’re most likely on a private list. And I’ll probably add you back anyway. Some people I am surprised to...
December 2009
14 posts
HAHA I ALREADY HAVE MY NEW YEARS JOKE WRITTEN AND...
YES YES I DO APPARENTLY.
I'm doing the plaid_lemur thing.
Give me some joke subjects and I’ll do my best to make it a really funny and elaborate joke that nobody but me understands!
(DO I HAVE TO ASK A QUESTION FOR THIS THING TO LET ME PUT THE ANSWER THINGY?!)
This is my new account →
Friend's old bed.
Rob: You can have your old bed back. I don't want it anymore.
Dave: Why? What's wrong with it?
Rob: The bed's fine, but I didn't really need that list of every gross thing you ever did on it.
Dave: That's just a free bonus!
Rob: You wrote it on the bed itself, apparently using your own bodily fluids! (walks away)
Dave: But...I color coded it and everything!
3 tags
The damn thing doesn't fit!
Peter: I bought my mom a new oven tray. She said she wanted to install it herself. Then, last night she calls and says the damn thing doesn't fit!
Nick: THAT'S WHAT YOUR MOM SAID LAST NIGHT! HAHA!
Peter: Yes. Yes it is.
Nick: ... ... ... I'm pretty sure one of us just got served.
(For @stereoforbrains.) It’s the Christina...
Joke Ideas. A Retrospective.
plaidlemur:
You guys rock. So far, these have been the ideas for jokes. I messed up blanddiva11’s chimney and Santa idea (just totally flubbed it), but I did manage a decent one from favstar’s burka idea! I’m mulling over therealcherilyn’s tire iron and a beaver one because I could make that really, really twisted. Stereoforbrains will be waiting a lifetime for me to come up with a clever poop...
1 tag
Bubble gum of fiery demons, your pick.
Supermarket Clerk: All right, ma'am, your total comes to $6.66.
Lady: *blinks, gasps* EEEAHHH! AHHH!
Supermarket Clerk: Ma'am? Ma'am, are you all right?
Lady: Ahhhh! *flails her hands*
Supermarket Clerk: Ma'am, clam down, please!
(The lady closes her mouth and paces in front of the register. You can still hear squealing in the back of her throat.)
Another Customer: Just buy gum or something!
November 2009
10 posts
Albert: Hey! Wanna come over to my house on the weekend to see a Blue's Clues marathon?
Mike: I can't, man! I have t go to Oklahoma for my dads funeral...
Albert: OKLAHOMA?! I'M SO SORRY...